Dear Abby: Sibling's Estate Planning Demands and Personal Information
- Published: January 14, 2026
Dear Abby, I'm facing a tricky situation with my older brother. He's making estate plans with his partner, and I've made it clear that I'm financially secure and don't need any of his bequests. However, he's been persistent in requesting my personal information, starting with my Social Security number for beneficiary bequests. I was cautious and called him back to confirm it was indeed him.
The situation escalated when he asked for my passport number, citing his partner's assets in China. I felt uncomfortable with the level of personal information being requested and decided to remove myself from his bequests entirely. He became upset about the need to contact a lawyer and update the trust, but he assured me he'd handle it.
Now, we're no longer on speaking terms. Abby, I'm curious if I'm overreacting or if my brother's actions are unreasonable. He never mentioned the extent of personal information he'd need, and I'm left wondering if I should feel guilty for the potential legal and administrative costs of editing his trust.
Abby, should I feel guilty for not providing the information? Was my brother's request too much to ask? -- Troublemaker Sis in Texas
Abby's Response: Dear Troublemaker Sis, you absolutely should not feel guilty for your decision! It's crucial to trust your instincts and protect your personal information. I understand the concern, especially since a beneficiary's Social Security or passport number is not typically required for a will. You've likely avoided a potential scam, and that's a relief!
About Dear Abby: Dear Abby is a renowned advice column written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips. It has been a trusted source of guidance since its founding by her mother, Pauline Phillips. For more insights and to connect with the column, visit www.DearAbby.com or write to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
